So our dear friend is finished with her testing and we hopefully will hear results on September 27th. Wow, this is kind of scary. Once I again I sit here and every bit of me wants to be excited, but I have learned that I cannot do this for my own sanity. A part of me is still thinking about what if this really does go through. There will definately be a crazy whirlwind of a month if it does work out. Just to crazy to think about.
On another side note, I have been thinking selfishly lately. I was thinking about how so often so many of my friends always ask about how Mark is doing. How is his health? What job does he have? Is his job ok with dialysis? Sometimes I wish people would ask about how I am doing? Even if I think people would ask, I still think I would be the person who would try to put up a strong front and pretend that I am super strong and nothing affects me. Sometimes I wish I could just give myself permission to totally show all my emotions about how I really feel sometimes, without feeling the guilt of being "that girl who is too emotional and has issues."
All my life I have wanted to be a teacher, but with all of this craziness I could really see myself become a caregiver advocate. Within a family so much energy is given to the person who is sick, and often the caregiver is just expected to be strong throughout it all. That will be my goal, to support those who support the sick.
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